vyperdd (vyperdd) wrote,
vyperdd
vyperdd

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Facing my fear... or not

I'm sitting here with clingwrap over my ear lobes listening to the rolling thunder of an approaching storm and feeling very uneasy about the fact that in a little over an hour, I'll be getting my ears pierced, maybe. I'm still not 100% sure that I really want to have it done.

I have no problem admiting that I'm scared and a wimp and a big baby when it comes to anything that has even the slightest chance of hurting me. I turn 40 at the end of the year and I know my fear is completely irrational and that I (if I can go through with this) will look back after a few days and laugh at how silly I was being and wonder what all the fuss and stress about and why the hell I didn't get it done sooner.

It's not as if I haven't had my ears pierced before. 20 years ago, I got them done because my then boyfriend wanted me to. He even bought me a gorgeous pair of earings and paid for the procedure. And he let me crush his hands from the shock and pain of the piercings. It was the wrong reason but I was young and deeply in love and wanted to please him any way I can. Anyway, I only kept them in for a couple of weeks, (had to take them out as I was heading off for 8 weeks of Airforce basic training) he dumped me and the holes closed over. This time, the one clear thought that I do have is that I'm doing it only because I want to. I'm doing it for me mainly because the $369 strapless full length evening gown I've got on layby will look even more fabulous with some really nice silver and diamond dangly ear bling.
 
I HATE needles and even the anticipation of pain sets my tummy churning and my hands shaking. Hence the clingwrap. Paid almost $40 to get a couple of tubes of topical anaesthesia cream to HOPEFULLY numb  and deaden my earlobes to the point where I won't feel a thing. The lady at the beauty salon said it's very effective. She used it when getting her nipple pierced (OUCH!!!!!) and didn't feel anything at all. The ladies in the chemist I spoke too also said it works very well. I even did a test run on the back of my hand last night and it "seemed" to work fine. Poked myself with the tip of a sharp knife a few times, and while I could feel the pressure of the blade on my skin, I didn't feel any pain which both kinda reassured me and freaked the hell outta me at the same time. So I'm pretty sure it should have the same effectiveness on my ears. I hope. I pray.

I have 2 main fears:

The first is that the cream won't completely numb my ears. If I get the first one done and it hurts, then I really don't know if I could go through with getting the other ear pierced. I can pay extra to have 2 operators and get both ears done at the same time, so at least it'd only hurt once.
And the second is the aftercare-- the bathing and the rotation of the sleepers. This is probably my biggest fear --that the sleepers won't turn, they'll be stuck to the holes and hurt like hell when I try to rotate them. I told you I'm a wimp. I wish I could remember more clearly  20 years ago. All I can recall is the initial pain at the time of the piercings being done, I don't think it hurt too badly in the days after, but I can't be sure, maybe it did and I've just blocked the memory.

I'm hoping the lady will be able to tell me I don't have anything to worry about, but at the same time I want her to be completey honest with me. I tell myself that I won't be the first or last person to have these sort of feelings and fears and a very, very low pain threshold.

Oh, Shit!! Just looked at the clock and my appointment is in 15 mins and I still haven't made up my mind whether I can go through with this. But I am at least going to go and talk to the lady, discuss my fears and see what happens.
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