Even the 'THEN' was so bloody scary, showing all the times and ways the boys have died, and Billie and Tessa (have missed her so much) I was on the edge of my seat before it ended.
And the teaser and more OMG and Sam and Dean each fighting a werewolf and holding their own and winning, only for Sam to get gut-shot and falling, falling so slowly, stunned and in shock, his hair flying around his face as he collaspes.
And Dean not wanting to leave Sam alone, and taking the bullet out and then having to free the others leaving Sam to cover up his own wound.
And Dean nearly losing it when the guy says they have to leave Sam to die, to save themselves, knowing it's what Sam wants him to do but refusing to do it, to insist they are going to save everyone.
And Sam being strangled to death is perhaps the most horrifying scene SPN has ever done and once again, Jared just blew me away with his performance.
And Dean having to leave him, "I'm gonna come back for you, I promise. Okay, okay" and I was in tears.
And how they worked in both past and present, Sam's smile when he says that the hunt (and freezing their balls off) could be just a fun camping trip.
And Dean being tasered was totally out of the blue and just ramped up the tension even more and I was sure we would see Sam with Billie but we didn't because Sam didn't die but Dean did!!!! Overdosing so he could talk to Billie and basically beg for Sam's life, like we always knew he would. And how cruel was Billie, leaving it til the end to tell Dean Sam wasn't dead but he is!!!!
And Billie was even more awesome than last time we saw her. Savouring the moment of having Dean almost in her grip, knowing Dean doesn't have a clue on Sam is going to stop the Darkness, knowing that he only wants to save Sam for himself. Calling Sam "the big W".
And Dean getting revived and then cuffed and threatened with sedation which would probably have killed him and him silently begging with everything he's got for the female victim to help him get to Sam.
Am Sam making it out alive and killing two more werewolves and making it to Baby, his groans of pain as he folds his long, long legs into Baby and then to Dean, saving his life.
And though I loved Dean joking about redecorating Sam's rooms, I really, really wish he had continued to be open and honest with Sam (like he was in Love Hurts and fake!Amara & last ep and seeing Sam dead in the nest) and told him about contacting Billie and being willing to die (again!!!!!) so that Sam could live but I guess that's just not in him. But I'm okay with it this time because Dean was totally freaked out by his chat with Billie and that he really doesn't know how or even if Sam can kill Amara and when Dean's freaked out and scared he shuts down and shuts Sam out, not able to trust that Sam will continue to be there for him, by his side, supporting and protective, not able to trust himself that he won't let Sam down or get Sam hurt or killed.
And wow, I just want to watch it all over again (which I am doing right now) and roll in all the feels and awesomeness of Sam and Dean and what they mean to each other (everything) and what they'll do for each other( whatever it takes), and then watch it again after that.
Still can't believe how full of awesome Season 11 has been and continues to be. It has some of my all-time favourite eps - Baby & Just Your Imagination & O Brother Where Art Thou? - and now this ep and I am so fucking glad we are getting a season 12 and at least another 23, most of which I know are just going to be as good, as brilliant at those ones.